I recently received not one but two replacement credit cards in the mail. While I appreciate the original concept behind the credit card activation process (ostensibly to prevent credit card fraud), I despise what it has become (an attempt to force credit monitoring services on a captive audience).
I Loathe Activating Credit Cards
I absolutely hate activating credit cards. They have you call a 1-800 number to talk to a guy who hardly speaks any English whose paid to up-sell every product under the sun. Take my two recent experiences:
Anonymous Credit Card Company #1 (henceforth known as Bank Of Derkistan)
I’m not a huge fan of the Bank of Derkistan. Their online interface is sub-par and their customer service absolutely dreadful. Still, their rewards cards are pretty decent, so I put up with them. I call their 800 number to activate my card and am immediately connected to a man in India who speaks with a heavy, impossible-to-understand accent. “No big deal,” I thought. I’d only be on the phone a minute at the most to verify my identity and I’d move on with my life.
After a quick verification process, the Bank of Derkistan (hereafter referred to as Derkaman) proceeds to tell me about all the features of my credit card. It’s slightly annoying (it was common sense stuff), but at least he seemed enthusiastic about it. It seemed a bit weird that he was trying to sell the card’s features to an existing customer, but I let it slide. After his spiel, I politely think him for the information and prepare to hang up, thinking the conversation was over. Boy was I wrong.
Derkaman abruptly went into up-sell-overdrive. He clearly had the script well-memorized from reciting in 13 billion times, because his mouth was running a mile a minute. Problem was, since his English wasn’t all that great to begin with all I heard was “derka derka mohala mumbai jihad.” I should have hung up at this point. And to all you over-sensitive nerds out there who are going to write me with “actually, derka derka jihad is associated with the Middle East, not India blah blah blah I have no friends blah blah blah” shut up. I know. You’re missing the point.
At a loss from not having understood a single word he said, I muttered a non-decisive “um, okay.” That was a mistake, since it only served to encourage him. By the time he’d gotten through a few more derka derka’s I had deduced he was trying to sell me something, most likely a credit monitoring service (turns out, he was). He seemed to catch on that I was lost and slowed down enough to explain to me that he was going to go ahead and sign me up for this great new credit monitoring service Bank of Derkistan offered that would protect my credit from nuclear holocaust while simultaneously curing cancer, AIDs, and the common cold. “That’s amazing and all,” I replied, and meant it, “but I’m not really interested at this time.” Hint, never say “at this time” to a salesman. They take it as a personal challenge.
Derkaman pressed on, ridiculing my personal hygiene, education, skill at dungeons and dragons, anything to convince me to purchase the credit monitoring service. After reiterating at least 18 times that I wasn’t interested (hanging up is not an option at this point…my reputation for awesomeness was at stake) I loudly screamed some German-sounding gibberish into the phone (which probably meant something decidedly non-awesome like “the furry bunnies eat carrot cake”), prompting shutting him up. Then I took his sister on a date and made her pay the bill.
This story isn’t nearly as hilarious in writing as it seemed when it happened (and yes, it really did happen exactly as I described it). Point is, just say no to the Donnie D-bag’s on the phone trying to sell you crap you don’t need. You can get your credit report for free from annualcreditreport.com and your credit score directly from myFico.com for a fraction of the cost Derkaman was charging.
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